NOTE: This one is THE most important Note that describes a personal story. Please be advised: Although I think this is a positive story, some of you may not want to read it. It is a bit disturbing as it involves some serious topics like gangs and gun-s, etc.. I was able to help someone, although it did cause me some setbacks. So, please be advised - and please don't read it if you are going to be bothered by this kind of thing. And above all, please don't criticize me for this. If you don't want to read it, please don't. If this is not appropriate for a blog entry, please let me know and I will remove it. Really. I don't know what is or what's not, but I certainly don't want to be innappropriate.
NOTE: I took this text from a Note I entered into Facebook. It needs a lot of editing. I'm always searching for someone to help me with that. Yes, that is a hint! Lol.
And this is SERIOUS. Since I saved some 22 year old guy from being SHO-T to DEATH (April, 2012), we've had 2 sets of 4 shoot-ings in Lowell, then they had a rally at the Kennedy Center "Shop the Shoot-ing". I didn't go, but it's all young people and this city has lots of heroin, gangsand guns, which should not be of any suprise. Some people here know this very well. Others get scared, I think, and many people seem totally clueless or callous or whatever. I don't know, but many people do know this and do care.
NOTE: I took this text from a Note I entered into Facebook. It needs a lot of editing. I'm always searching for someone to help me with that. Yes, that is a hint! Lol.
Could anyone who's read this much PLEASE read the rest. It would mean a LOT to me. I'm recording this for "history", at any rate.
(I took this text (below) from a message I sent via facebook to Don (resident of Bejjing, China since the fall of 2008. His "Political Views" on Facebook are "Truth, Justice and the American Way". (From Superman) Easy for him to say! Deserter. Lol. I'm trying to be humorous, because watching all of this tragedy unfolding all around me is heartbreaking, and I think it SHOULD be.
Don, I can't figure out if you get messages on Facebook (but are just too busy to use it much) or they're blocked. I'm sure you're very busy. (NOTE: Don did reply and said he'd been very busy)
I still really like Lowell, and it's a shame that so many people will just get scared by this. There are lots of gangs, guns and heroin is a real problem, and this obvious suffering is very tragic, don't you think? I was just able to save someone's life because he owed a person money that would have definitely killed him. I'll call this person I helped Singh, because that's his last name. His parents came here from the Punjab State of India (where everyone's last name is Singh!) A good way to describe it is: Singh is to Indians as Johnson is to African Americans. Really, I think that works.
I was never in any danger. I will say that I don't use drugs, or drink, or smoke and I eat very healthy and excercise. I lead a very quiet life, and don't gamble have any associations with things like this, normally. I was born just before 1960 and in the 70's, when I was in high school, I spent far too much time in the "recreational chemistry club". That's a joke. Needs refinement. During that time I lived in a neighborhood where there was lots of kids my age - into drugs, petty crime, even some guns. They liked inflicting violence on me because they wanted to drag anyone that had a better chance down. That really sucked, but there were other things that were OK, and it was always other people that helped me, and I got past it. I rarely think of that time now. I'm just mentioning it because of the context.
I really I may have spent some time in the I was just in the right place and I have had a LOT of experience being around people in gangs, and violence and drugs and I talk and I'm very aware when I'm out walking or running in the city. I talk to people around the city and at UMass Lowell (which is a nice place to go - the library is open to the public) I have to know these things because it makes it safer to walk and run in the city. I know how to stay safe. Also, I'm very curious and will talk to most people, and a few years ago, I talked to a number of people who were in Bridgewater and/or prison and they told me about this type of mentality, behavior. It's a huge part of our society, quite obviously, and I'm very curious, and I don't seek out people like this, but I pass through many places and I've had all these experiences. I'm not all all violent, but I'm curious, and it's hard to describe this in words.
A life is worth $65.00, I think, don't you? I have to think that you'd do the same thing, so please don't read this if it's disturbing, and you don't need to comment. No need to comment and I don't want to disturb anyone. It ended up costing me much more, but what was I going to do? Just let him get killed? And he surely would have. When Don got back to me he said he agreed that I did the right thing, although he wasn't familiar with this type of thing at all. And I talked to other people in the city and a couple of students at UMass Lowell and verified certain things. I do that a lot, to learn how to be safe. There was NO way I could have walked away and let him get killed. He certainly wasn't dangerous at all, and he's not in danger now.
It started in April of 2012. It was Patriot's day, which is a Mass. only holiday. I walked down to the Library. I thought it might be closed, but I wanted to go down town anyway. Now, this is the type of thing I do: go to the library, so you know. It was closed and I was standing outside and I met this 22 year old guy (Singh), who was going to the library also. I like to talk to people, and it's getting harder, because people don't reach out as much, but I still talk to many people. I talk to lots of people I don't know, because that's my reality, and I've always really liked doing this. Sinhg was not at all what you'd call a menacing person. He as about 5'5" and thin, and certainly not dangerous, but he could be harmed easily. So, we started talking and walked around a bit, and he told me about how he was in college and got busted for marijauna (inside a school district, which is an unlucky thing that happens to people). And he was in prison for a short time. He was in college in the DC, Virginia area, but he came up here because he could work, and had a grandfather that was up here. Although, he was living with some people that really were not nice in general, and it wasn't that pleasant. I don't go out looking to 'save' anyone, in case you were wondering. I thought Singh was interesting and intelligent and we were just walking around the city on a pleasant spring day. He mentioned early on that he owed someone 60$ or so, and a bit about that. So, within the first hour I decided, that I'm not going to let him get k-illed, although I didn't tell him. I'm not familiar with this su-bstance, but he was 'sleepy' that day, but coherent. I'm mosty upset with two people I called who let me down. Musicians - every fucking time. I am done with them. They think they're fucking art is more important than returning a phone call. They're too busy with that and I'll stop - there's a lot more to that story. And there could have been serious personal information lost, and they knew this, and I don't want to mention who the 2nd one was - another musician - and another fucking corporate coward. I know that I shouldn't be so insulting, but I can edit this and describe the behavior and not put labels on it. One person did help restore my faltering view of people, though.
At the end of the day, I walked to the bank. We were safe, but he said he felt like a wanted person (which was true). I try to learn some things and I certainly did - more from him than the people two people were supposed to be the adults, and are just hypocrites and don't do what they say, and it's much worse, believe me. I said, well they wouldn't just s-hoot you in the day time in the middle of town? He said, that's true, but they could drive up and throw him in a car and take him somewhere, possibly. He was fairly calm and was trying to call his father that day and such. So Singh called this guy on the phone, who he owed 65$ to. Someone with Khmer Bl00d affiations and it had escalated. He was terrified, and I said I'm not going to let this happen. I had thought it was 60$ but it was 65$ and I got the right amount, because I did know that if he was at all short or late, they guys friends would have called him a "punk" - you can't let anyone take advantage of you one bit.
I told Singh: "I'll do this once, but please don't put me in any compromising situations - i.e. - don't carry ever drugs and be around me in a place that's not safe. I don't want to ride in a car with you, etc... I don't want to be around these people you live with. He could have paid me back and had some things going on up here that were legit. I verified all this later with his best friend.
I told him I've done this a lot (I have helped people a lot, in ways similar to this, and it's worked well, but lately it's much harder) I wasn't going to be foolish, but I thought he was an Ok person and he had ideas about how to pay me back, and he was very intelligent and insightful and he was only 22 years old. I'm being wise - I don't think most people even understand this or would have wanted to help. I don't know, that doesn't matter.
I'll just say that this "gang" like attitude isn't much different than a lot of people's are and it exists. Singh was really scared and he was going to meet this guy asked me if I'd go, and I said no. I don't go around danger like that. I gave Singh my cell # and he called me later that night and said the guy messed with him, drove him around for a while before accepting payment. That's not a surprise.
I told Singh: "I'll do this once, but please don't put me in any compromising situations - i.e. - don't carry andy drugs and be around me in a place that's not safe. I told him I've done this a lot (I have helped people a lot, in ways similar to this, and it's worked well, but lately it's much harder) I wasn't going to be foolish, but I thought he was an Ok person and he had ideas about how to pay me back, and he was very intelligent and insightful. And Singh was not what you'd call 'dangerous'. If you bumped into him, you might injure him. I'm trying to be somewhat amusing because this is really heartbreaking - everything I see happening - all the tragedy unfolding all around me, and knowing how little I could do, and how little it would take to help me help others, which I do still do, but with just a little help and open mindedness, I could do so much more. I'm being wise - most people wouldn't have the slightest clue how to do anyone of this. I used to be "clueless" (lol), but lately a lot of people seem very clueless to me. But not all of the, and I'm far too stuborn to give up on people.
I could keep Singh at a very SAFE distance. I always learn things whatever I do, but I learned a lot from this experience. Singh was this young guy (22 years old) and taking a "break" from college. He was up here because he had a bust in Washington, DC for marijauna (inside a school district) and he had a grandfather up here, and he could work here, but not there because of his record. 99% of the things he told me were true, which I verified later. (See below) And he could go back (I met him in April and he went back in May - I did tell his best friend that he was definitely going to get killed if he stayed here. At first when I told this story, I felt like I was boasting, or scaring people, but after telling it a few times and writing it, especially, I think it's fine. I'm learning to be more direct without sound all 'sage' or making anyone uncomfortable. It does take some time to tell or to read, which people say the "don't have", but that's another topic (one that always annoys me) I am just telling you what heppened, and I have to rewrite these things many times, as you know.
I'm a lot more upset by people who don't take 5 minutes to return a phone call - and they CLAIM to help people like this.
Don, musicians - they let me down every time. I don't really know about the symptoms of that drug so I called this woman I knew a few years ago who is in social services, and claims to care about helping people, and ( a musician - RRRR) (She told me her brother used to be an addict and a lot of other things. I left here a phone message and sent a text message and said, please call back - it will only take 5 minutes. I do prepare myself and I don't assume, I guess. And lately, I'm seldom wrong, and I wish I was wrong more often. I guessed she wouldn't reply. I got no reply. I don't totally rule out musicians but they do let me down every time. And I do understand the things they go through, but I was never like that. Like Rick S once said about musicians: "It's not a job for grown ups." I'm not talking about the ones who are very well known. It's the many, many others that insist on playing part time and won't ever help anyone else. You know what I mean, because I've told you about some of my experiences.
Anyway, Singh was going to pay me back I said come up here to where I live. And we met in the clubhouse. As I said, Singh did not pose a threat of any kind to me, in that circumstance. What was a real surpise is that we were sitting right on the couches in the clubhouse here 10 feet from the the rental office of where I live and he asks if he can use my phone - normally the instinctive reply would be NO to anyone, but I know who he is, all about him and we're right in the office. He told me he was going to call his father, who was coming up there. And he did, and that was true. But, he just wanders off with it - calls his mother, his father (who did bring him back to DC, luckily) on the phone and his best friend who called me back. Since he called on the phone he took, I have all their numbers. He'd given me his address here, his Email and told me about himself. - I was thinking - what are you NUTS? I could say maybe he was being a bit self-destructive. He wasn't high on anything except for the first time I met him, and I think when he came up that day. And he did admit that to me, but it takes a millisecond to be distracted by someone who has that addiction, I just found out. He didn't use all the time, but he just could not keep from going back to it. As I said, I verified all of this and more when I talked to his best friend. BTW, his father was a lawyer working in Intellectual Property (ouch), and his mother was a Dr. and I found out later that she was dying. They were a bit younger than me, and they were buying a lot of expensive stuff (buying the American Dream), but people here are really screwing over people who come from nations like that, much more lately. Especially when they look even vaguely like a certain "ethnicity".
I was pretty angry and only asked that someone tell me what he did with the phone and it would be nice if someone would do the right thing and pay me for it. I had just gotten an iPhone 4S because I accidentally drowned by iPhone 3 (it happens). So, I have to record some of these stories and other things on audio, I think because that was memorable. I did do the right thing - this kid was far from dangerous. I should feel good about that and I have told a few people. And that could have happened to anyone. I get frustrated at the apathy and fear and tremendous divisiveness all around me, but I am really stubborn (probably too stubborn) and don't give up easily. I do talk to lots of people still, and the students at UMass Lowell - some of them are so smart and unusually wise - I'm often very impressed and encouraged. I seem to connect with people that age for some reason. They're so fast and smart fast and smart, and I just talk to them sometimes, but at least I do connect. I will be discreet about the reasons why I can connect with them. I have told you, Don.
But, I think I helped someone else who had an iPhone stolen to get the insurance, which didn't pay for mine, which I definitely expected. So, I'm still trying to be helpful. I have to. I can't just give up. The total amount this cost me was at least 6 or 700$, when you factor in a lot of other things. This set me back a lot, but I could NOT let him get killed and he would have. When he called this person I came back out and he was absolutely terrified. And I think if the citizens here don't learn to help each other - we don't have much chance, and I know people have the capacity to do help one another. I know that much.
I was so down on people, not Singh - the one person who can't return a phone call, and another person I won't mention. I asked this person I only know from this great Email dialog we had in 2002 and on Facebook. I'll call him TE, because his job title was "Technology Evangelist" at Sun Microsystems for ten years. Just before 2002, when I stumbled upon his Blog on the web when I was looking for an image. I just told him about that and I'm writing this quickly, so I'll just say he knows about things I go through, and helped me out a bit - and I really didn't even ask. It seems that you just don't know much about people unless you really are honest as you can be, and I do have serious issues around descretion, and TE knows about these things and a bit more, but I've never met him and it's only been a few Facebook messages.
NOTE: I know this is not easy to understand, but I have to just write it quickly. If anyone wants to help me edit some text, that would be cool. I have had people do this in the past, so I thought I'd at least ask. I don't really want to make anyone reading this feel strange, but I thought I'd at least ask while I'm writing candidly. No worries at all about that. Maybe someday I will find someone to help with this.
I guess I did tell you the story. Reply if you got it. (As I said, Don did reply) Oh, and I didn't call in law enforcement like most people would have without thinking. That would have made NO sense and only would have come back to me. I don't think the local authorities would have gone down to our nations capital and brought him back, do you? And there were other reasons, but that one is so obvious it's absurd. That's all for now. Sometimes trying seems forced to me, it doesn't flow like it used to. But I've found that if I keep forcing things they become more spontaneous. And I certainly learn a lot. When I communicate I will tell people I talk to that I feel forced, and they react very positively to it, well some do. I've identified a pattern in who I can connect to - and it's college students, but I've always been able to connect with them well, and with most people, but I always want to know what they're learning, and I do make it a point to tell them I'm very aware of the massive debt and other problems they may be facing. And I do tell them how incredibly depressed and lost I was when I was in College (at UMass Lowell from 79-79 before I transfered to Berklee. I do really care and lots of people do. I really like to go to the campus because it's got good air, it's quiet. I can use the Libraries and sit down and read or try to meditate, or walk. But occasionally I do talke to some of the students. I'll stop rambling, but this stream of conciousness writing is much more honest for me. When I try to make a point, it feels manipulative to me. I don't have the writing skills you do, so perhaps you can understand that. I am good at dialog, though and specifically at speaking, as you well know - very well, and it's hard now since I don't have people who talk much - that's not true. More accurately, I talk to a LOT of people around town, but I don't have anyone to talk to consistently.
That's a "Sign of the Times", I think.
I couldn't do what the people in this film do, but knowing about these things and caring was another reminder of what to avoid, and what danger Singh was in. This isn't frontline. It's a documentary film that's on their site. Lowell is not like Chicago but this type of thing is everywhere. This is one of the best films I've ever seen, and you might like to watch it. It's about two hours long and maybe I'll do another post on it. This is really tragic what's happening all around this place, and I don't feel very great about helping even one person, because I had to do it, and it's done, and it cost me $$ and aggravation, but I did not have a choice, and maybe I didn't describe it well but other people did agree with me. This film did make me cry quite a bit. It is extraordinary. I don't want people to praise me. Just to understand and not react negatively. Thank you. -JC
